Saturday, October 22, 2005

Changing Self-Talk Helps

Change That Self-Talk

It is crucial to change your self-talk before returning to your partner, co-worker, or friend, or else you may find yourself angrier when you return than you were when you left. This is the time to use Tool 4 frou our client workbook "Anger management for the Twenty-first Century"—changing that conversation with yourself. Following are additional self-talk phrases that may be especially helpful to you during your “Retreat and Think Things Over” time. Check those that might apply to your situation and those that would be helpful to you:

{ }I am responsible for my own anger and my own feelings
{ }Maybe we are trying to solve an unsolvable (perpetual) problem
{ } I need to look at my part in the conflict
{ } Nobody is perfect. I can forgive myself for behaving badly.
{ } Nobody is perfect. I can forgive him/her for behaving badly.
{ } I must remember all the reasons I love him/her
{ } Maybe I expect too much from others
{ } Maybe I expect too much from myself
{ } I need to work on seeing things from his/her point of view
{ } My partner is doing the best she/he can
{ } It doesn’t matter who is “right” – solving the problem is the important thing
{ } I will try to solve the problem, according to what my heart told me in “freeze-frame”
{ } Having a good relationship is more important than “winning” this issue
{ } It is damaging to our children to witness this conflict
{ } This issue is not that important – I will pick my battles
{ } I can decide how I will respond best to this situation
{ } I have handled more stress than this in the past
{ } I let myself get out of the box by ignoring my warning signs
{ ] I can repair the emotional damage I did
{ } I will try a “softer” startup to start a discussion going when I get back
{ } Maybe we can find a compromise to the issue or problem